What no-brain daddy’s girl with a black heart can’t get a date to save her life? She acts all cultured and thinks boarding school and a brief stint in Manhattan makes her a new-age debutante, but her French pronunciation needs some serious work and her face – woof.

This loser’s husband left her because of her post-partum saggy grandma ass and Fred Flinstone thumb (just one, one looks normal). Plus, she doesn’t even LOOK Italian! At least she can make herself feel better by whipping out the knives when backs are turned. And her adult braces look really cool.

This old fogue talks about his kids’ depression – kids are in their 40s and still suckle at the teat of his bank account. Also, smells like death.

Tricky.  Tricky tricky tricky.  Where do I begin with Tricky Dick?

She’s evil.  She started at my company about nine months after I did.  She’s been a CPA, finance manager, and VP of Finance.  Are you kidding me? 

When they were interviewing to backfill my counterpart’s position (more on the old counterpart later, cause it’s crazy), I expressed my opinion that no – she shouldn’t be hired.  I’m like five years out of collegio, yo.  So what…my meager years of accounting experience should be aligned with hers?  I don’t think so. 

But of course…Shamwow being the asshole she is, made an offer (and tried to keep it from me, I might add).  I found out.  And now I work with a woman twenty years my senior (and twenty years more work experience, of course).  And damn is she one eager beaver.  Sassy actually used the adverb “eagerbeaveredly” the other day.  As in, “Of course Tricky eagerbeaveredly ran over to my desk.”  And of course – even though she can’t remember basic things, like where we have OFFICES in the US, she thinks she’s in charge. 

And she’d stab her own mother in the back to get ahead (not unlike Shamwow).  Aimee don’t play that game.  Yes, I just used third-person.  Deal.

And because she also has experience in Sassy’s field, she bosses Sassy around – and naturally, the Rickety Cricket couldn’t care less.  His rickety ass would break a hip bone trying to even walk over to Sassy’s desk. 

I keep remembering all these playas, yall.  So many.

In case you couldn’t notice, I can’t decide on a frickin blog theme.  Tagline, obvi.  I see dumb people.  It’s true.  They’re all around.  They don’t even know they’re stupid.

On to bigger and better.  It’s Friday and that means party in Seatown.  Except for Aimee – I’m exhausted.  So screw it.  I’ll go to happy hour, have one drink, and be toasted.  Cheap and easy – like me.

The Bear and Shamwow have had me working non-stop.  Yknow, that eyes-glued-to-comp, might-go-blind, omg-I-have-to-pee-but-can’t-leave-comp kind of working. 

So yeah.  That’s my life.  I’m gonna give you a little background on the characters, cause I’m pretty sure it’s need-to-know.  These are real people, and I’m sure I’ll reveal their real names eventually.  Because they suck. 

Ok…why do we call Shamwow Shamwow?  Well it started out as Ms. Havisham.  Read Great Expectations much?  Ms. Havisham is an old spinster hermit type who was jilted – left at the altar on her wedding day.  Well, Shamwow’s hubby split town after she pressured him into getting her pregnant, had a baby, and became (read: continued to be) an uberbitch.  Do I feel bad for her?  Sure.  Do I kinda see his point?  Feh.

So, Havisham got a little too long to say.  Turned into Sham, Shammy, and finally settled on Shamwow, because who doesn’t love those commercials even though the dude in them beats up hookers?  Or gets beat up by hookers?  Can’t it be both?

The Bear.  Ok.  Ever been to a gay bar?  Notice how some of the ones are wearing super-tight tops (yes, tops, gay guys wear tops and not shirts)?  And then the big ones are showing their hairiness all over the place like a gay hair explosion?  Those are bears.  And let me tell you, even though The Bear reminds me of my daddy and also seems to be a tad homophobic, trust me, he’s a bear. 

So my social life’s gone down the shitter, along with my blogging life.  Or lack thereof.  Something.  I”ll try try, but no promises mmk?

Good
Sassy – my bff at the office and one of my first friends when I picked up all my shi’ite and moved to Seattle
BMAC – another cool and crazy kid who just procreated with his wifey.  But they’re smart and funny so it’s cool.

Evil
Rickety Cricket – man in my department who bosses Sassy around like she’s his mildly retarded daughter
Tuesday – as in CUNextTuesday – grandma-age clerk too big for her britches..and also, a huge C bomb
Ruby – snob and a half who’s so caught up in herself she can’t tell everybody actually hates her

Switzerland
Shamwow – my direct supervisor, liked by some, hated by many.  She doesn’t bother me too much because she doesn’t micromanage me
Bear – head of my department (finance, duh – I’m a Jew after all!).  cuddly and old and I’m scared I’m gonna call him Daddy one day.

Soooo what you need to know about me.  Nothing, as a matter of fact.  But if you must, here are some stats.

Name:  Aimee
Blog Name: Aimless Alpha (because my name is Aimee…but I’m aimless…and I’m always the alpha wolf)
Age:  26
Location: Seattle
Occupation:  My Boss’ Bitch

My main goal for this blog is to expose the filthy goings-on at the company I work for.  Don’t worry, I’ll speak in code names.  And since none of you fuckers know where I work, that works out just dandy for moi. 

Peace.